If you can't tell from the picture, I'm a fan of the animated TV series, Bluey. Not just because it’s one of the only programmes where all 3 of my children chuckle that gorgeously innocent, joy filled laugh, but also because in a world filled with YouTube rubbish and mind dulling programmes, Bluey teaches wonderful life lessons.
And one of my favourite episodes is ‘Baby Race’ which teaches the life lesson of avoiding comparison, or as Bluey’s Mum, Chilli calls it “run your own race”. This episode centres on Chilli telling the story of how she got caught in the comparison trap when Bluey was learning to learning to sit, crawl and walk. Watching this episode reminded me that I did the exact same thing, and I would hazard a guess that you have done it in some way, shape or form, too.
Unfortunately, it can be difficult to outgrow this tendency to compare. From sports, music or academics to really any situation where our children come up against others, it can be incredibly easy to slip into comparison mode. Sometimes, we might unintentionally impose our own expectations on our children by assuming what they should be doing and how well they should be doing it, instead of genuinely inquiring about why they find joy in their current activities.
But it’s not just about our children, it’s also prominent in our careers and relationships or our appearances and lifestyles. We scroll through social media feeds filled with carefully curated highlight reels, and instead of feeling inspired, we sometimes end up feeling inferior or even jealous (and that beast can do some serious damage if it’s left unchecked). The truth is, when we compare ourselves to others, we are often left feeling inadequate and unhappy. Comparison robs us of joy as we focus on what we lack rather than what we have.
So, how do we break free from this cycle and focus on what we can control - running our own race? For me, it's a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and embracing our individuality. If you have been caught running someone else’s race, here's how to take those first steps to running your own:
Practice Gratitude: Instead of dwelling on what you don't have, cultivate a habit of gratitude. Each day, take a moment to appreciate the things you've achieved, the people who love you, and the experiences that have shaped you. Remember, the grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.
Set Personal Goals: Define what success means to you. Whether it's learning a new skill, traveling to a dream destination, or achieving a personal milestone, let these goals reflect your aspirations, not someone else's.
Limit Social Media: While social media has its benefits, it's also a breeding ground for comparison (it is great to see more content that is ‘real’, but it’s still heavily skewed to draw us into comparison). Limit your exposure to curated content. If you’re going to be on it lots, I often suggest spending 10 minutes researching content that makes you happy or helps develop a skill or attribute you want to develop. Then sit back and watch those algorithms do their work and feed you content that is going to empower and inspire you.
Surround Yourself with Positivity: Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. People like I spoke about in my Inner Circle blog. Surrounding yourself with positive influences can help shift your focus away from comparison and towards growth.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you'd offer to a friend. Remember, nobody's perfect, and it's okay to have flaws and setbacks.
I see comparison a lot in my office. What I try to reinforce is that energy spent on trying to be like someone else, is energy wasted. Our energy and time is precious, so instead I encourage people to see, celebrate and embrace their accomplishments, their unique journeys and the life they've built.
As accomplished women we’ve already run many races. Some we have won; some we have lost, and some are ongoing. But what’s important, and what Chilli learns at the end of the episode, is that when we focus on our own race, we focus on a path that aligns with our values and passions, we experience joy more regularly. We avoid feelings of inadequacy and jealously and live a happier life. And ultimately, I think that's what we all truly want.
PS – I love the concept of running your own race so much I even used it as a title for two of my online coaching videos in my app - selfless plug here, check it out The Mental Edge via the app store and google play or direct on thementaledge.passion.io
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