Allow me to introduce you to Mabel. She has made a unique impression on my life, especially in my career space. I can almost guarantee that you too have met a Mabel, or have your own. Because you see, Mabel is my imposter syndrome.
For those who don’t know me, I transitioned into mindset coaching after the birth of our second daughter. I was predominately working as a mental skills coach within the sport performance space, and it was here that I met Mabel.
From almost the get-go, Mabel seemed to make it her mission to ensure I knew that I didn’t have a sport psychology degree. It didn’t matter to her that I brought in an enormous number of transferrable skills, that I gained my NLP qualification, that I busted my gut upskilling at every chance I got or that I had lived these skills for as long as I can remember as an athlete myself.
None of that mattered to Mabel. She was highly critical, extremely quick to judge and persistent. Really. Bloody. Persistent. Any chance she got she was telling me that others were better, had more experience, were more qualified, even that males were better suited to this role than I was.
I don’t think people would have known this about me at the time, I was pretty good at putting on a confident face. But Mabel's presence was heavy. I could feel the physical weight of her on in chest. I felt suffocated by it, even though outwardly I was still smiling. I knew she was holding me back but felt powerless to stop her. Her voice was loud and so I continued to listen to her, to believe that I would only be successful in my career if I followed the path of others.
And I knew I wasn’t alone in feeling those things because I’ve seen Mabel rear her head with an astounding number of women. I’ve seen it when woman question whether or not to apply for a new job because they feel that can only competently do 80% of the job description and fixate on not being able to do the other 20% (whereas often male counterparts can do 20% but will often still apply). I’ve seen it when women procrastinate about starting their own business, especially in a male dominated industry, even though they have all the skills for it. I’ve seen it when they put unrealistically high expectations on themselves, or see failure as the opposite of success, rather than a part of it. I’ve seen it when they constantly strive for perfectionism which stops them celebrating their achievements along the way. I’ve seen it they worry they will seem weak or unprofessional, because they are quick to cry. Or if they are too strong, that they will be labelled as too ruthless, bossy or career hungry. The list goes on, and it’s heart-breaking because we women, we are bloody awesome!
Then one day, when I was taking a shower (anyone else find that’s where they seem to get all their best ideas?) it came to me. I said in my head first “Fuck off, Mabel”. It was like a lightening bolt hit me and I stood more upright. I said it again with vigour, “Fuck off, Mabel!” and my god it felt freeing.
Until then my imposter syndrome had gone unchecked in my mind. I knew it was there, knew what it was, knew that it females reported higher levels of it compared to men. But I also knew that ways of overcoming it felt complex and at times, overwhelming.
But I found that by giving it a name, by humanising it, I took away the negative power it held over me. By humanising it, I could see it for what it truly was. It was me playing small, playing it safe and putting a ceiling over my potential and the greatness I was capable of.
I want to say that it was the single act of humanising Mabel that allowed me to break free of my imposter syndrome. But it wasn’t. While it took a big portion of it away, I was also ready in myself to break free of it. I had read an article a week prior that was about being a life coach. As I read it, I remember feeling dumbfounded that I hadn’t realised it earlier. It was as if they were writing about me, my strengths, my characteristics, my motivators, my behaviours. With crystal clear clarity, I knew I was a life coach.
The thing is, I could have read that same article a couple of years prior, and it wouldn’t have had the same impact on me, because I wasn’t ready then (I still had Mabel, loud and proud in my ear reinforcing my 'perceived' shortfalls). But I was ready now. I felt excited about dialling into my unique and authentic self and seeing what I could achieve. With Mabel muted, I could finally hear the whisper of belief that said, “go for it, carve your own path, be awesome, you’ve got all the skills, you’re made for this, own your awesomeness”.
I no longer define my success based on other people’s journeys. I know that while their way has worked for them, it isn’t for me, and it definitely won’t result in my own authentic and lasting success. True happiness in your career doesn’t come from running someone else’s race, it comes when you line up and run your own. I am happier in my career than I have ever been, and I am a better person for it.
I still have a relationship with Mabel, but the dynamics have changed. She’s still there, but only because I choose to have her there. Now, I use her more as a barometer to gauge where I am at; am I taking enough risks? am I getting out of my comfort zone? I know that if she starts to dial up the volume in my head, that’s my alert to not being true enough to my authentic self and possibly veering off my path. And when that happens, I smile and say:
(all together, say it with me ladies)
“Fuck off, Mabel”
- Feel free to comment if you've had a similar experience or encountered imposter syndrome yourself...I'd love to hear your stories. Paula x
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